I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
