i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
