she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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