she was so not down for the gang bang
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
