Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
two words...techno handjob
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
