dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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