he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
