what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
