She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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