I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
