I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
