Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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