just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
