the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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