Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
