Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize