8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
