some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
my liver is dry heaving
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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