hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
