remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
