one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
