FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
