i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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