if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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