headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
