I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Even my vagina gasped.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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