That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
