I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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