so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
