Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I stole a fireplace last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
