Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
