You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
