I will die if light touches me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
vagina is talking i cant
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
