Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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