its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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