Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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