honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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