I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
