That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
