dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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