You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
