Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize