Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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