Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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