I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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