I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
