I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
