I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
