just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
