Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
