is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
