the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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