I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
