help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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