Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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