I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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