I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
