Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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