Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize