You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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