Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
