Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize