You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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