Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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