i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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