you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I understand Curling. That high.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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