around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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