Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
