The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
