we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
