So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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