She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
