so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
