yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize