3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
