I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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