Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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