stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
