walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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