I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
