I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
