hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
