Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
