Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need water and some morals
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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