What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
