I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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