She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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