I think I won the penis lottery.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
