$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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