OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
