Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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