No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
