I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
