We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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