you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
