I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
